July 14, 2017 In the wake of excitement generated earlier this week from the release of the 8th edition of the ECMAScript specification, the ECMA TC39 committee announced early this afternoon that a proposal specifying which restaurant the committee members will go to for lunch was advanced to its final stage. The proposal was championed by Jordan Harband and Andrea Giammarchi - also champions for the Object.getOwnPropertyDescriptors proposal included in the ES8 specification.

The committee indicated that the proposal entered Stage 0 mid-morning today when Harband and Giammarchi collectively agreed they were getting a bit peckish. The esurient duo filed the proposal, and it quickly moved to Stage 1 as additional committee members were beset by their growing appetites.

As the proposal gained momentum, deliberation began to intensify. Upon reaching Stage 2, various committee members formed factions aiming to detract from the perceived quality of the suggested restaurant. When a motion was raised to advance the proposal to the candidate stage, the committee descended into a fiery conversation about how to arrange transportation to the various restaurants, as a plurality of committee members did not have cars.

Debate around the destination restaurant further crescendoed as the proposal advanced to Stage 3 and the committee became increasingly famished and cranky. At one point, fragmentation between the Sandwich Party and the Gyros Party seemed irreparable, and it appeared that the proposal would perish in Stage 3 deadlock.

Teetering over the edge of defeat, a heroic Giammarchi pointed out that they had already went to get sandwiches earlier in the week, and it was at that point the TC39 committee came together and advanced the proposal to Stage 4. At press time, the rapacious committee members were eagerly heading out to their cars for a trip to Zorba’s.

This article was originally published on AlwaysTrending, a fantastic (but archived) satire site by Matt Frisbie. Copied here with permission of the author.