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“If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you follow them? Hell yeah, I would, especially if the bridge is space!” vented a distraught Elon at a press conference Thurs afternoon. The Dogecoin fanboy had just announced his intentions to launch a GoFundMe to support his latest ambition: be the next billionaire caressing the edge of space for a few glorious minutes before plummeting back to toil in the mud with the rest of us. Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have already had their jollies, and the tunnel pioneer has no intention of getting left out of the ‘Billionaires in Space’ club.
“This is a mission for the common man”, Elon continued, “I want people to achieve their dreams through me as I come into the narrow slit of the atmosphere and achieve the ultimate satisfaction - one of the lucky elites to enter the ‘Billionaires in Space’ club. With just a small donation of $50 or $100k, you too can live vicariously in space.”
SpaceX employees have been temporarily released from their shackles to be able to witness the announcement, and a ragged cheer arose from their ranks as they realized their icon might get the chance to tickle the cosmos. Hopes are that Elon will begin to spread his seed and others may also be able to achieve their dreams of fucking in space.
Tesla stock rose 600% after the announcement.